It isn't advisable to read this if you haven't already read all the books in the Twilight series and would rather not be spoiled. Also, don't read it if you actually like Twilight.
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Mostly the fans are swept away by the "epic romance" between Edward and Bella. Although it is painful to admit, the first time I read Twilight (and the next two books New Moon and Eclipse), I fell a little in love with Edward Cullen too. Who wouldn't, on the first reading? Edward Cullen is physical perfection, with a century of knowledge and experience under his belt, mad piano skills, and a passion for Bella that borders on obsession. He's the quintessential bad boy you can never have, but still want anyway. The one that you, and only you, can transform with the power of your love into the kind of guy you can bring home to mom.
The second time around, though, I finally started to see what was wrong with the books. Aside from the bad writing, cheesy lines, and overuse of word "chagrin" that is. And did I mention the cheesy lines? (Everything I hated about the movie was taken verbatim from the book. " And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." SERIOUSLY?)
Bella Swan is essential a non-character. She has no personality to speak of, and her only remotely positive trait is an inclination towards self-sacrifice, which she takes to a new level of stupidity. It's good to care about the people you love, but to wantonly throw your life away 50 pages to save them is kind of ridiculous. Especially when the people you're trying to save are extremely powerful, immortal vampires who don't need saving, and can probably handle the situation better than you. And aside from her death wish, Bella also sacrifices everything she supposedly wants at the beginning of the series (an education, independence) for Edward, and then neglects pretty much everyone around her who isn't undead.
Bella is a blank template, specifically so that you can put yourself in her shoes and imagine that it's you in the relationship with the vampire who struggles with his urge to kill you every five seconds. How tragically romantic.
Speaking of the vampire, Edward Cullen is a stalker. No matter how preternaturally beautiful you are, if I wake up in the middle of the night and you are standing in a corner of my room watching me sleep, I will not be amused. At all. Whether or not they are actually engaging in any sexual activities (and they aren't; 107 year old virgin remember?) it’s not cool that Edward spends every night in Bella's room behind her father's back. Is this really what young girls should be aspiring for?
Edward Cullen is a controlling boyfriend who doesn't seem to think that Bella is mature enough to tell her the truth about what goes around her. "No, there aren't any evil vampires coming to kill you, we're just going out of town this weekend to visit your mom for the heck of it." He's the kind of guy who will cut your brakes to keep you from going to visit your best friend, who is apparently too dangerous for you to be spending time with. Why? Because he's a werewolf.
Right, because Bella's not already sucking face with a bloodsucker.
What really boggles the mind is why the two are even together in the first place. Edward is fascinated with Bella because inspite of his mind-reading abilities, he can't hear her thoughts. Bella thinks he is the most beautiful creature to walk the planet. They both like Debussy's Clair de Lune. Other than that, they have no mutual interests. There is no actual basis for a relationship. It's pure infatuation. He saves her from would be rapists, takes her to dinner, and suddenly, they're head over heels in love with each other.
On a less serious but equally hilarious note, when Edward Cullen is hit by sunlight, he sparkles. Like Tinkerbelle. Sparkles vampires. I don't know what you've read or seen on TV or in movies, but all the vampires I know of burn in sunlight. None of them twinkle.
The biggest problem I have with Twilight isn't that it only starts to develop an actual plot after well over 200 pages, or anything else I've written above. It isn't even the sparkling, as ridiculous sands of girls are reading this book. this series, and wishing for something impossible that they shouldn't even want in the first place.
They're setting themselves up for disillusionment. The likes of Edward Cullen don't exist in the world we live in. I don't think that's what love is. Bella Swan is the new Disney Princess, and Edward is the new Prince Charming.
You know, Prince Charming in Snow White was necrophiliac. I'm just saying.
**my apologies to Twilight fans... your comments and violent reactions are open*****
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